Xenuphobia


Breaking News: Marcabians claim responsibility for Scientology bomb threats
March 14, 2008, 11:30 pm
Filed under: Anonymous, Press | Tags: , , , , , ,

ST. PETERSBURG — This morning police detonated a suitcase in front of Scientology’s Life Improvement Center after cult officials reported a “bomb threat.”Afterwards the police stated definitively that the suitcase did not contain a bomb.

The internet group known as “Anonymous,” which explicitly forbids the use of violence against the cult, its members, or its buildings, responded by implicating Scientology itself as responsible for the incident.

“I think it is a fake threat by Scientology to discredit their critics,” said one of the cult’s opponents.

However, at 6:30PM EST this evening, the Associated Press and Reuters have both reported receiving transmissions claiming responsibility for the bomb threats–from the Marcabians (see photo), whose enormous invasion fleet continues to lie in wait hovering above our planet defenseless planet.

Rulers of the galactic Marcab Confederacy, the Marcabians are a race of beings with a ruthlessly oppressive regime and who also enjoy racing. The Confederacy is best known publicly for its mass-implantation of the souls of its citizens in the bodies of Earthlings as a form of penal imprisonment. Continue reading



Leak excerpts
March 12, 2008, 9:56 pm
Filed under: Leaks, OSA | Tags: , , , , , , ,


And there’s much, much more where that came from. Continue reading



Scientology promotes unfettered, free speech through new “golden era” of Restraining Order Tech
March 12, 2008, 9:26 pm
Filed under: Press | Tags: , , , ,

Teh St. Petersburg Times reports today that the cult known as Scientology is attempting to obtain a restraining order to halt protests scheduled for Saturday, March 15. Dubbed “Operation Party Hard,” cyberactivists Anonymous scheduled the worldwide protest to take place on the birthday of cult founder and con artist-extraodinaire, L. Ron Hubbard. Anonymous promises that it will bring along “delicious caek” for the OSA and the RTC. Continue reading



Your daily entheta for 3/11/08
March 11, 2008, 2:12 pm
Filed under: Anonymous, Celebrity, Press, Scientology Critics | Tags: , , , , , ,

Only Anonymous could help give the Village Voice its journalistic balls back following its recent takeover, during which the paper “purifed” itself of its best writers like so much purple goo. Tony Ortega, author of the article that has the nipples of Xenuphobia so hard they could cut glass, is certainly worthy of the title SP of the Week–and it’s only Tuesday! The article, titled “What to get L. Ron Hubbard for his birthday,” refers to Scientology as a “ruthless global scam,” a “nuisance,” “nefarious,” “more like the mafia than a religion,” and “horny” (alright, we’re kidding about that last one. Still, Ortega’s article has us horny as all get-out).

To his credit, Ortega is no Ronny-come-lately when it comes to providing–gasp–actual news coverage of the cult. No, he’s never pussyfooted around the issue. And that says a lot, considering Ortega has been covering in the news since at least 1999 and still hasn’t ended up dead at the Fort Harrison–or in one of Hubbard’s 600 volcanoes. His current article is more delicious than even the most delicious of birthday caek. But don’t take our word for it; see for yourself. And you know? It’s about effing time.

In other $cn news, cult Grand Poobah DM has been a’courting yet another celebrity couple to the “church” to help repair its public image. While the term “beyond repair” is apparently quite the misunderstood for Miscaviage, no one can fault (flunk?) him for giving up too easily. No, the current couple isn’t Will & Jada or even Forest Whittaker and his wife–it’s Beckham. Srsly. Oh, and his Spice Girl co-thetan, Posh. Dave, can you say EPIC FAIL?

And, finally, the clam cult has finally made it to the big stage in the final “meta-play” of “The Scariest.”