Xenuphobia


Your Daily Entheta for 3/18/08

The Village Voice carries yet another delicious article about Scientology and Anonymous. Contains this week’s Xenuphobia Quote of the Week: “Taste the delicious bacon sandwich of truth about Scientology!”

Anonymous #2 wore a top hat and sunglasses, and said his personal mission was to alert onlookers of the “unfair” tax exempt status enjoyed by the Church of Scientology. At least 80 percent of all fees for “religious training and services” paid to the Church of Scientology are tax deductible, a privilege enjoyed by no other religion and a fact that does not sit well with Church critics. “They actually have a better tax exempt status than any other religion of all the established religions,” said Anonymous #2. While we spoke, he noted the presence of a very obvious camera in a third floor window of the Church across the street. That’s why he needs his sunglasses, he said. “They’re taking pictures of us right now, as we speak.”

Will Smith says he’s yet to drink the Kool Aid.

A spokesman for Smith told TheCelebrityTruth.com, “As Will Smith’s publicist I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that Will is not a Scientologist.”

And, not content with their epic YouTube fails, the cult has now launched its own video site–you know, because things haven’t been embarrassing enough for them lately.

The church announced on Monday the launch of a new online video portal at its Scientology.org Web site. The portal contains 82 videos tallying nearly 3 hours worth of content, “provid[ing] an overview of the basic beliefs and practices of the religion, as well as information on the many humanitarian programs sponsored by the Church–programs addressing drug abuse, illiteracy, human rights and disaster relief,” according to a release issued this morning. [Editor’s Note: Perhaps this means they’ll be suing themselves now?]

Enjoy, SP.

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Your daily entheta for 3/13/05
March 13, 2008, 4:50 am
Filed under: Celebrity, Daily Entheta, Leaks | Tags: , , ,

Did you need another reason not to watch “24”? I didn’t. But if you do, well, now you have it.

Clearing Teegeeack ($cientologese for “Earth”) is a tall order. Best to start with somewhere smaller; like, oh, say, American Samoa, which recently told the cult they can have their caek and eat it too. However, in this case, cake means billboards.

Fail of the Week: Scn flunks yet another legal maneuver. Can’t you fuckers get anything right?

DM needs to get his betchass under Nixon’s valence and call a goddamn plumber. Wait, isn’t that what the RPFers are for? Well, probably he’s too busy ironing out all the kinks in Hubbard’s “recovered” Yenta Tech.



Your daily entheta for 3/11/08
March 11, 2008, 2:12 pm
Filed under: Anonymous, Celebrity, Press, Scientology Critics | Tags: , , , , , ,

Only Anonymous could help give the Village Voice its journalistic balls back following its recent takeover, during which the paper “purifed” itself of its best writers like so much purple goo. Tony Ortega, author of the article that has the nipples of Xenuphobia so hard they could cut glass, is certainly worthy of the title SP of the Week–and it’s only Tuesday! The article, titled “What to get L. Ron Hubbard for his birthday,” refers to Scientology as a “ruthless global scam,” a “nuisance,” “nefarious,” “more like the mafia than a religion,” and “horny” (alright, we’re kidding about that last one. Still, Ortega’s article has us horny as all get-out).

To his credit, Ortega is no Ronny-come-lately when it comes to providing–gasp–actual news coverage of the cult. No, he’s never pussyfooted around the issue. And that says a lot, considering Ortega has been covering in the news since at least 1999 and still hasn’t ended up dead at the Fort Harrison–or in one of Hubbard’s 600 volcanoes. His current article is more delicious than even the most delicious of birthday caek. But don’t take our word for it; see for yourself. And you know? It’s about effing time.

In other $cn news, cult Grand Poobah DM has been a’courting yet another celebrity couple to the “church” to help repair its public image. While the term “beyond repair” is apparently quite the misunderstood for Miscaviage, no one can fault (flunk?) him for giving up too easily. No, the current couple isn’t Will & Jada or even Forest Whittaker and his wife–it’s Beckham. Srsly. Oh, and his Spice Girl co-thetan, Posh. Dave, can you say EPIC FAIL?

And, finally, the clam cult has finally made it to the big stage in the final “meta-play” of “The Scariest.”



Jason Dohring thanks Scn for his… success?
March 7, 2008, 7:16 pm
Filed under: Celebrity | Tags:

Those of you who watch the show “Moonlight” will undoubtedly recognize the name Jason Dohring. Fortunately for me, I don’t have television. Well, I have a TV, but that’s just so I can watch movies. And I’ll tell you, it’s times like this I’m glad I don’t have it–if I did, even I might have actually heard of him.

The cult, Dohring says, “saved my acting career.” A lot of actors say this, but with Dohring I’ve gotta admit: it kind of makes sense. I mean, who better to appear in an episode of Roswell than a guy who not only believes in space aliens, but thinks his whole body is covered with them? Continue reading



John Travolvta stars in “Penis Envy”
March 6, 2008, 8:04 pm
Filed under: Celebrity | Tags: , , ,

The Tampa Bay Business Journal mentioned in a report today that “actor” John Travolta commutes five days a week by plane to Scientology’s “Mecca,” Clearwater, Florida. An if by “Mecca,” Scientology means “Village of the Damned,” then their description would surely be accurate.

But five days every week? Perhaps John has is suffering from a bit of penis envy after Nancy Cartwright (yes, that’s the woman who does Bart Simpson’s voice) ranked as the highest cult donor of 2007. This is understandable, as Cartwright did donate a whopping $10 million–more than enough to make Travolta’s paltry one mil in 2007 look like peanuts. Continue reading