Breaking News: Marcabians claim responsibility for Scientology bomb threats
March 14, 2008, 11:30 pm
Filed under: Anonymous, Press | Tags: , , , , , ,

ST. PETERSBURG — This morning police detonated a suitcase in front of Scientology’s Life Improvement Center after cult officials reported a “bomb threat.”Afterwards the police stated definitively that the suitcase did not contain a bomb.

The internet group known as “Anonymous,” which explicitly forbids the use of violence against the cult, its members, or its buildings, responded by implicating Scientology itself as responsible for the incident.

“I think it is a fake threat by Scientology to discredit their critics,” said one of the cult’s opponents.

However, at 6:30PM EST this evening, the Associated Press and Reuters have both reported receiving transmissions claiming responsibility for the bomb threats–from the Marcabians (see photo), whose enormous invasion fleet continues to lie in wait hovering above our planet defenseless planet.

Rulers of the galactic Marcab Confederacy, the Marcabians are a race of beings with a ruthlessly oppressive regime and who also enjoy racing. The Confederacy is best known publicly for its mass-implantation of the souls of its citizens in the bodies of Earthlings as a form of penal imprisonment.The statement issued by the Marcabs reads in part:

“Inhabitants of Teegeeack: Until Xenu is freed from his mountain prison, we are left with no other choice but to escalate our war on the disciples of our nemesis, L. Ron Hubbard. The battle is only beginning. Know this: all your Orgs are belong to us.”

While Xenu could not be reached for comment due to the heightened security following the bomb threat this morning, sources close to the Galactic Overlord say his spirits are more upstat than ever before in the course of his 75 million-year confinement. This accuracy of this information was corroborated by a number of the Loyal Officers charged with guarding Xenu’s prison, who spoke under condition of anonymity.

Representatives of Scientology said they are preparing an official response to the Marcabian’s responsibility in the bomb threat. However, the official silence from the sect’s leadership thus far has not stopped celebrity members of the organization from speaking out.”

You don’t know the history of the Marcab Confederacy,” Tom Cruise told one evening news anchor, in an effort to convey the seriousness of the threat they pose. “I do.”

Police said the suitcase contained a Bible, clothes, personal items and a Mark VI Matter Disintegrator Raygun. The latter is known to be a preferred tool of Marcabian assassins.

7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

This is a set up.

That model of Matter Disintegrator Raygun has not been in use since Quadar the second had his foltkyerk.

This misinfo really gets my zorch.

Comment by Vedzerk II

puhahaha.i enjoyed so much when reading:)u have storytelling skills like L. Ron Hubbard.(hey dude we can make money. call me 🙂 )

Comment by Tarık


Comment by gabozun

Alas..the foolishness of these things…I am not an affiliate of any of the groups mentioned ..BUT, I am educated enough to know that a “MARK VI” electrometer (or an ” e-meter ” as abbreviated in abundant Scientology texts..) is most certainly NOT an ANTI-MATTER ray gun, nor a matter ‘disintegrator’ of ANY SORT!!! I do not know where this information came from but it is definitely exaggerated. It is specifically used during scientology counselling to measure the amounts of agitation or emotional distress the individual being counselled may experience. In the process of the counselling, the amount of distress an individual may experience is decreased, which can be seen and efeffectively ‘read’ on the e-meter screen by the practitioner. Ultimately, it helps the practitioner to determine exactly how much disturbance is being experienced by the person being counselled so they know they are on the right track towards healing old emotional upsets. Ref; LRonHubbard’s book ” THE E-METER “… Suggestion…. look at ALL available info BEFORE making absurd statements ad ‘factual’!! ( maybe on some other planet..lol..but not here!)

Comment by little queen

Ah, I smell VaLLarrr, a known $cn drone whose aforementioned name is seen on Youtube. A mark Vi disntegrator is far outdated. Wastes too much power, is highly inaccurate at a range of less than two metres, and was really only marginally useful in the early years of the era of Corporate Feudalism your kind keep running into during past life regression. We’re more advanced than that now…. when disintegration is actually called for, a string-disruptor is more efficient, although still lacking in effective range. Further, we aren’t run by oligarchic corporations anymore and haven’t for upwards of two centuries…. And yes, I am accounting for local time, since the only inhabitable world around the star you call Alkaid orbits almost at the distance of your ice giant, Neptune, orbits Sol. These children, honestly… If we really wanted this backwater world, we could have taken it without much opposition ages ago. Soooooo… if the CONSORTIUM is so evil and aggressive, then why haven’t we attacked? hmmmmm… perhaps it is because we aren’t interested in this world much and do not particularly find $cn much of a threat, apart from being yet another mass-control scheme like any other religion and some social policies. We really just want to hopefully stop unregulated capitalism, since it lead to a dark age for us and we’de prefer it if at least those who are like us wouldn’t make our mistake… what are “elder sisters” for?

You $cn people, however, are on the right track: alot of the Science fiction material you enjoy is, in fact, the product of spontaneous Past life memory… ergo, you’ve been there before. You’ve seen this before. I have become aware of a genre called cyberpunk, once more popular twenty years ago, that creates a shadowy, bleak world that is reminiscent of Marcabian life two-odd centuries ago. Don’t let that become you!

Comment by Just a friend

Explains EVERYTHING! I now know why my head aches so…. my org body is trying to reject the poor marcabian imprisoned within.

Comment by Kelli

Scientologists are so frickin nuts. You people really believe that our existence in this world is to worship an alien 👽? Get a grip on reality idiots 🤔. If you don’t change your ways the only think you’ll be praisingredients to is the 👹!!

Comment by Mchele B

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