Scientology promotes unfettered, free speech through new “golden era” of Restraining Order Tech
March 12, 2008, 9:26 pm
Filed under: Press | Tags: , , , ,

Teh St. Petersburg Times reports today that the cult known as Scientology is attempting to obtain a restraining order to halt protests scheduled for Saturday, March 15. Dubbed “Operation Party Hard,” cyberactivists Anonymous scheduled the worldwide protest to take place on the birthday of cult founder and con artist-extraodinaire, L. Ron Hubbard. Anonymous promises that it will bring along “delicious caek” for the OSA and the RTC.

Xenuphobia contacted Scientology representatives from OSA this morning, after receiving the breaking news, receiving the following response from cult officials:

“Scientology stands for freedom: freedom of religion, freedom of the mind and freedom of speech. It is in this spirit, and the spirit of the Ron’s birthday, that Scientology is proud to announce our effort to put the wogacious out-ethics of Anonymous completely off-lines. We are Scientology. We are upstat. We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.”

“We were initially planning to get all our OT-VIIIs to postulate the protesters cancelled, thereby exercising our constitutionally-secured right to have total causality over MEST,” which, she explained, stood for “Matter, Energy, Space and Time.” “However,” she continued, “That’s much to vulgar a display of our power, Karras.

The Scientology public official added, “It’s all about KSW.”

Representatives of Anonymous, when contacted, said no the group had yet to prepare a formal response, as it was too busy baking in preparation for Saturday.

In related news, area grocery stores have reported a run on eggs, Betty Crocker double fudge cake mix, colored icing tubes and whisks. Ted Larkins, Day Shift Manager at the downtown Hannaford’s Supermarket, termed the mass shortage “unprecedented” and “definitely, definitely epic.”

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